So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
