thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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