We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
