i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
