So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
