What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
