omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
