dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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