is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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