By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
