We're like a lot better than the average bears
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
