How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
