He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
