i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
