HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
