there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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