hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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