Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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