lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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