WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
