Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
