Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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