I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
