chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
one might say we're banned from that church
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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