Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
