Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
