it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
