I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
