I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
