we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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