P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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