You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
