remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize