He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
