if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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