Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
