I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
