yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
