I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
