What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
