The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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