The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
