I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
