dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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