1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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