he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
