I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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