i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have tasted many bathrooms
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
