i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
