Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
