Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
